I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
