Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
