did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
sex in a hospital.. check
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
