I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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