Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
