I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
