You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
