I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I see more hoeing in ur future
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