I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
