just come out here and I will go home with you...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
