Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
