I want to walk on stilts...naked
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
