i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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