The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
