Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I think a kid would responsible me up
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
