dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
