there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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