Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
