You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
