apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
