I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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