my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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