Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
