I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
