this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
