yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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