Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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