You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
