you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
