my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
