Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
