can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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