sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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