Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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