We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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