I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
