im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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