Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
