there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
