I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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