I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
