bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
