marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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