She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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