2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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