last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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