you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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