You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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