i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
