Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You were trust falling into bushes
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
