I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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