Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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