oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
