I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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