I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
