this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
