I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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